I often get asked the question, “Why should I go to a life coach? Isn’t a therapist more qualified?” It’s hard not to feel my cheeks turn red, feeling slightly embarrassed that I forgot to pick up my PhD at some point along the way, but my answer to that question is, “More qualified to do what?”
Going to a psychologist or psychiatrist can absolutely be beneficial to many people. BUT (big BUT here) not everyone needs to get help from someone who is licensed to treat mental illness. And let’s face it, if you have a PhD, that’s where your education lies.
But those lines have blurred over the years. People have been seeking help for everyday stresses and self-improvement for a number of decades. Even the term we use to describe psychiatrists and psychologists has changed - “therapists”.
Now don’t get me wrong - I went to a therapist as a young adult to seek help for severe anxiety and my life was changed through traditional therapy. I talked about myself; my fears, my past experiences, my roadblocks. Therapy truly saved me and it helped me to see the world in a different way. I was suddenly able to dissect other people’s words and actions in a way that made it clear what that person’s intentions or feelings were. I was able to identify when there was an issue and help that person see things from a different perspective. I was essentially taking the things I learned in therapy and using them to help (or annoy) my co-workers, friends, and family.
Life coaching wasn’t a well-known practice back then, so traditional therapy with a PhD-toting therapist was the obvious (and only) choice. BUT….. (another big but here) why go to someone who treats mental illness if that’s not what you want help with?
Nowadays, people are in-tune with themselves and their state of being, more than ever before in our cultural history. As we get further into the 21st century, there’s so much more value in self-improvement and a lot of emphasis being put on mental health and self-care. My generation was perhaps the first in modern history to admit that we’re not automatically equipped with the mental and emotional tools to be good at being an adult human. We need help- all of us!
So what’s the logical thing to do when you want to improve yourself in a certain area? You hire a coach! Do you want to be better in your relationship with your significant other? Need help figuring out what to do with your life? Do you want to build your self-esteem and get better at socializing with people? Feeling overwhelmed because you want to improve several areas of your life and don’t know where to begin? **DING DING** Congratulations! You’re an adult and you’re realizing how hard it can be to go-it alone :)
For most of my adult life, people have told me that I should be a therapist because I’m a good listener and I’m good at giving advice. I always love hearing that compliment, but I would respond to the prospect of therapy by saying that as much as I would love to help people with every-day issues, I wouldn’t be able to handle the emotional undertaking of working with certain mental illnesses. I feel that I’m too empathetic of a person and would take my clients’ issues home with me. So, getting one of those PhDs was not on the table for me. However, once I learned about coaching, I knew that I had found a version of helping others that worked for me.
So, other than dealing with issues of mental health, what are the actual differences between traditional therapy and coaching?
Therapy is guided by the patient. In any given session, the patient will talk about whatever is on their mind. It’s the therapist’s job to listen and ask guiding questions, helping the patient get things off of their chest and hopefully have some ah-ha moments. Coaching is different in that it’s guided by the coach. Any coach worth their salt will have a structure of sorts: a program. They move their clients through this program to achieve their intended results. Coaching is goal-based. You work towards something specific, together, by following a program that is designed to help you get there.
How do I know if I should go to a coach or a therapist?
If you’re suffering from an issue of mental health, you should be seeking a licensed therapist. The only grey area between coaching and therapy is anxiety. Anxiety can be manageable by addressing the stressful issues in your life, which is what both coaches and therapists help you do. However, if the anxiety you’re experiencing is bordering on depression, thoughts of suicide, or potentially causing any other mental health problems, only a licensed therapist is qualified to treat you.
You should be seeking a coach if you’re looking to accomplish one or more of the following:
-Personal Development
-Developing healthy habits and skills
-Career goals
-Getting motivated
-Becoming a better business owner
-Life direction
-Bettering yourself
-Learning how to socialize
-Building self esteem
-Learning communication
-Gaining self awareness
-Becoming a better partner
-Creating better relationships
-Dating
There are coaches that specialize in just about anything that you can think of; from losing the baby weight to learning how to date better to getting to the next step in your career. If personal development is the name of your game, a life coach might be a better fit for you. With a coach, your focus will be on setting goals and then taking steps to gain the skills necessary and moving through the obstacles so that you can accomplish what you desire.
How do I find a coach that specializes in what I want help with?
Something as simple as a Google search will bring up an endless number of coaching sites. You’ll get a lot of ads, but you can narrow your search by typing in some key words that specify your goals. For example, if you’re looking for a coach to help you with weight loss and healthy living, you can type in “weight loss coach” or “health coach”. You’ll still get some ads from larger companies, but the more specific you can be, the more options you’ll have.
Another way of finding a coach who’s right for you is to read articles and blog posts authored by coaches (like this one!). You’ll find that a lot of these articles pop up when you’re looking for a coach. Don’t ignore them! Reading an article by or visiting the blog of a coach will give you a preview of the coaching style and method of that individual. If the article resonates with you, that coach might be a good fit. Go to their website and learn more!
A third option is to ask around. Just like getting a recommendation for a house painter or a good doctor, hearing about a coach from someone who worked with one can give you a ton of insight as to how the process worked for that person, if they felt comfortable with their coach, etc. Start asking around - you’ll be surprised by how many people are working with coaches to better themselves.
Whatever method you use in your coaching search, be sure to take the time to learn as much as you can. Don’t make any hasty decisions - coaching is a big investment of time, energy, and money. With the right coach, the outcome is worth the investment, so make sure that you’re working with someone who is best suited for you.
Since health insurance doesn’t cover coaching, how can I justify the expense?
It’s true - coaching isn’t covered by health insurance. Coaching is considered to be a luxury item, although I don’t believe that improving one’s self should be anything less than commonplace. Nevertheless, coaching is an out-of-pocket expense. And many coaching programs will be just as expensive as your average therapist. So how do you justify spending all of that money on something that you don’t need?
I often get asked this question by potential clients on consultation calls and I have a standard response to help put the cost into perspective. I ask them to think of the last time they spent a similar amount of money on themselves, more specifically, to improve their wellbeing. The most common answers are things like getting a massage, taking a day-trip, or going on vacation. We do these things to relax, de-stress, have fun, reconnect with our partners and/or family, and to generally feel good. But these relaxing experiences only last for so long. After it's over, you come home and you’re back in the same situation, facing the same issues as before you left to sit in the sand on a sunny beach or take a wine tour with your friends. You spent the money on yourself, but it didn’t have a long-term effect.
So what’s stopping you from investing that money on improving yourself from the inside, out, and creating long-term, self-sustained habits and solutions?
When you see coaching as an investment, rather than a frivolous expenditure or a “luxury item”, it puts the time, effort, and cost into perspective. Bettering yourself and learning the tools to deal with future obstacles and anxieties has a lifetime benefit for yourself and everyone in your life. Isn’t that worth more than an island getaway?
Now that you know the basics, get out there and do a little research, read some articles, and start asking around. Self-improvement is well worth the effort and, with a little help, there’s no limit to how much you can accomplish.
